Preoccupation
by BeverlyAnna
Summary: Lily's having a hard time focusing on homework, and Remus is almost positive he knows why.


"Remus?" I questioned the boy sitting across from me. His brown hair was scraggly, and when he leaned over the essay he was writing it just managed to cover his exhausted eyes. Remus had eyes with a soul older than any sixteen-year-old I'd ever met, but I knew he'd earned them. If I were a werewolf, I'd look aged, too.

"Hm?" he replied, not even bothering to look up at me. His quill simply continued to glide over the parchment in front of him.

"Have you got any extra ink?" I asked. "Mine's too low to use."

Remus's eyes flashed up to mine, and he gave me a half-smile. Quickly, he turned to his bag, pulled out his wand, and pointed it at the inkwell in front of me. "_Repleo_," he said lazily. The inkwell quickly swelled with ink as it was magically replenished. Then, putting his wand down, Remus started on me. "Honestly, Lily, that's first-year stuff. What's got you distracted?"

"I'm not distracted," I shoved him off. "I just… wasn't thinking. Thank you." I picked my quill back up, dipped it in the font, and went to start writing again when Remus cut me off with a series of tutting noises.

"I'm not buying that," he said. "You only forget about magic when you're distracted."

"You would too if you were muggleborn," I snapped. Which, okay, was _not _the best argument I could have come up with. I wasn't even denying that I was preoccupied. "Besides, I don't understand why this place hasn't adopted the usage of pens. Everything would be so much easier."

"I can tell when you're trying to avoid talking about something, y'know."

I let out a heavy sigh as a brushed a stray strand of red hair from my eyes. "Stop being perceptive and do your homework," I chided.

"I'd love to," he replied. "But now that I'm aware that the girl across from me is distressed, I'm not going to be able to focus."

"That makes two of us," I grumbled.

"So then tell me what's on your mind," he said. "We're not getting any work done until you do." He made a show of shoving his quill and parchment away from him.

"It's a full moon tomorrow night, isn't it?" I kept my voice casual, attempting to keep up the preface that we were simply discussing the weather.

"I reckon it is," Remus replied.

"So then shouldn't you be rather keen to get your homework done?" I drilled him. "You know, since it's likely to fall by the wayside tomorrow night."

"I'd love to be done with Slughorn's essay, yeah," he agreed. "But, like I said, you're distracting me. Where are you going with this?"

"I was just thinking," I said with a sigh.

"About?"

"A few things," I replied. "But the library really isn't the best place for this conversation, and we have both got work to do."

Remus rolled his eyes as he picked up his wand again. He cast a quick muffling charm over the two of us and then looked to me. "You're really falling behind on this whole magic thing."

"Would you shut up?" I demanded. He looked far too amused for my liking.

"Alright, sorry. Really, though, Evans, out with it."

"Do the boys know that I know?" I blurted out.

"What?"

"You know," I said, whinging slightly. I really didn't want to be discussing this. It was more that I wanted my curiosity to be satiated. "Do they know that I know about you? About them?"

Remus looked at me deliberately for a minute before slowly shaking his head back and forth. "They'd kill me for letting you in on their secret."

"Why?" I asked, genuinely confused. "The lot of them love showing off, and becoming Animagi… Well, that's no small feat. You'd think they'd be bragging left and right."

"You might be forgetting the minor detail of legality here," Remus said, keeping his voice down despite the charm surrounding us. "They're not registered with the Ministry. I haven't looked into it, but it's probably a pretty big crime."

I could feel my face scrunch up as I replied, "But it's also a pretty selfless crime, isn't it?"

"Most of the time," Remus replied, smiling at the thought of his friends. "It's certainly the greatest thing anyone's ever done for me. Makes things easier for me to deal with, knowing that they're watching so I don't have any… uh, slip-ups. Don't get me completely wrong, though. There's plenty of mischief that goes along with this." He rolled his eyes, but it was obviously affectionate.

I felt a smile twitch onto my lips as well, but I quickly forced it away and looked back down to the desk in front of me.

"Lily?"

"What?"

"Why is this important?" Remus questioned. "I mean, you've known about me for months. We do our homework together almost every day. You've had plenty of opportunities to ask. Why now?"

I shrugged as I timidly looked up at him. "I was just thinking about it now."

"Uh-huh," he replied, giving me a falsely-sympathetic nod. "Sure."

"What?" I demanded defensively.

"You never used to ask questions about the guys," Remus said simply. "I'm not blind. I've noticed how they've increased over the last few weeks. I've seen the conversations between all of you get more civil."

"Is that terrible?" I asked. I could feel my cheeks flush, but I continued. "I mean, you and I are friends. Shouldn't I make an effort to be friends with your friends?"

"Normally," Remus replied with a mischievous glint in his eyes, "I'd say yes. However, you've spent years hating my friends —"

"I've never hated them!" I cut him off. Remus gave me a look, and I ameliorated my statement. "Alright, I never hated Peter."

Remus let out a snort, but gave a knowing nod. "Yet now you're happy to be in their company."

"That's not true either," I said. "Sirius still doesn't like me."

"More fallacies," Remus replied, surprising me. Sirius was nothing but sharp remarks and scathing looks. That didn't exactly convey warm, fuzzy feelings. Remus must've seen the questions in my eyes because he replied, "Sirius's feelings about you — be they positive or negative — are directly related to James's feelings about you."

"And where do I stand right now?" I asked.

Remus grinned at me. "Sirius seems to think you're pretty damn tolerable right now. Fun to annoy, but alright overall. Sometimes downright hysterical, actually. He appreciates your wit."

"Does he now?"

"He probably wouldn't admit it to you," Remus confessed, "but I can tell."

"Lovely," I replied, bobbing my head up and down a couple of times in an attempt to nod.

Remus continued to grin at me and then nodded his head back at mine. He was waiting for me to say something, and I knew exactly what. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. I turned my head back to my homework, though I honestly wasn't functioning enough to write down anything coherent.

He waited for me a moment. I was expecting him to clear his throat and then address me. Instead, he brought his attention back to his essay. I could soon hear his quill scraping against the parchment in front of him. Apparently, he was able to focus. I wasn't.

"Alright then," I finally burst, tossing my quill on the table. "Tell me about the other one."

"The other one?" Remus asked in a voice that was entirely too amused. "I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific."

"Your prat of a friend who hasn't asked me out in a solid three months and counting."

"Ah," Remus said, "he'll be pleased you noticed that."

My brow furrowed, and Remus took that as a question.

"To be fair, he'd be happy to hear you noticed anything about him — particularly the fact that he isn't chasing you anymore. That's not him anymore."

I let out a heavy groan. "I've noticed."

"You have?" he asked surprised.

I nodded. "I don't know how I couldn't. He came back from summer holidays a completely different person. I know that it's a pretty well-kept secret here, but Sirius let it slip that his father passed on this summer —"

"You've been discussing James with Sirius?"

"No!" I exclaimed. I think my cheeks caught fire. They felt like they were on fire, at least. "I just… I mean, it was beginning of term and something was clearly wrong. _You _wouldn't tell me what, so I had to do a little investigating."

Remus pressed his lips into a firm line, repressing a smile, and then slowly shook his head back and forth.

"What?" I demanded.

He just kept shaking his head.

"Remus, _what_?"

"You've got it so bad," he remarked. He didn't look at me when he said it, and I was eternally grateful.

"Got what?" I questioned, feigning innocent. It was a fruitless effort and I knew it.

"Do you want me to do the voices?" he asked. "I've gotten quite good at them over the years." He cleared his throat and then started speaking in a high-pitched voice that was apparently supposed to match my own, "I _don't _fancy James Potter. He's an arrogant, pretentious —"

"I haven't said that all year," I grumbled unhappily. His impression was actually rather spot on.

Remus grinned again. "I know. This year instead of complaining you strategically avoid bringing him up in conversation. You let your eyes linger on him for too long in classes. You purposely bump into him in the hallways just to start a conversation. You eat meals with me just to listen to him talk. You have to try and keep from smiling whenever someone mentions Quidditch because your mind immediately goes to him."

"How do you —"

"I've been waiting for this to happen since first year." He reached a hand across the table and clamped it on my shoulder. "It's alright, Lily. No one needs to know that you fancy James. It's our little secret."

I shrugged him off and glared at him. "It bloody well better be."

Remus continued to beam. "Just us," he promised. Then, "You haven't told Marlene, have you?"

"Are you mad?" I demanded. "That girl can't keep a secret to save her life. Remus, if this gets out, _you are the only possible source_. And I've got an arsenal of hexes that I'm capable of releasing on you."

"An arsenal, huh?" he cut me off with a hearty chuckle. "I'll behave. I promise. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a busy night tomorrow night and I need to get this work done."

Remus easily reverted his attention to the work in front of him, humming cheerily. I, on the other hand, slumped back into my chair as I contemplated the damage that would surely come from the knowledge I'd just unwittingly revealed. I fancied James. James Potter. I'd admitted it out loud — there was no going back, and Remus and I both knew it.


End file.
